Saturday, November 15, 2008

The not-so-silent auction

i should have stopped to think, but you know me: i love an auction. where else do you get that one-on-everyone competitive thing in a shopping experience where the deals are guaranteed and all the money's going to a good cause? it's pretty heady.

but speaking of "pretty" -- and i'm saying this because i love you all -- if you're ever offered a cosmetics package at a queer festival, stop and think. the stuff is going to be drag-queen-friendly. it's not just the shave cream (which, at least, is travel sized), or the gold lip gloss (which can't look totally gold once it's spread all over your lips); it's not just the turquoise eyeshadow (turquoise will be making a comeback any day now), or the enormous powder puff (i've been meaning to get some enormous powder). it's not even the false eyelashes. well, it's a little bit the false eyelashes, which i can't see wearing to my day job.

no, the really difficult part here is that there are things in this package i can't even begin to identify. like "solar bits." body glitter, you might be thinking, pityingly (what kind of femme is she?). but it's black, and not "black" like somebody with dark skin might want to wear, but, like, jet black. read the tag line, you're thinking. okay: "pearlized clusters." does that help? didn't think so.

so after the excitement of my big "win" (and that's another thing about silent auctions, but isn't "winning" so much better, so much less greedy and ostentatious, so much luckier, than just "buying"?), i'm left with a bag of cosmetics that make me feel inadequate. which, when you step back for a second, is one big reason you'd buy cosmetics in the first place.

while i'm handing out silent auction advice: beware of the pity bid. if nobody else has bid on something by the second intermission, they're not going to, and you're going home with a stack of brad fraser books.

on the upside: mo seems to like her new watch.

No comments: