it being 14 above today and me not working well anyway, i went for a run in the river valley. at 2:15 the only people about were the blue-rinse crowd. they tend to be friendly but i am not. i am angry and resentful. i fantasize about retirement all the time, even though i live in a world where no one wants to retire. my people, the academic tribe, boast about never wanting to go. this suggests that most academics have a better worklife than i do, or a higher pain threshold.
but i digress. when i get there, to freedom 55 (okay, 60: i really don't think i can make it to 65), what will i think of this moment in my life? will i remember what it's like to be buried under unanswered emails and unfulfilled expectations? will i recall lying in bed all night fretting about the work to come? will i feel the panic about teaching, the panic about grading, the panic about missed deadlines and eleventh-hour demands? will i remember feeling pissed on by all the dinks in the world?
or will i think: she ran so fast, then, and missed it all.
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3 comments:
sweetheart, if anyone I know gets it all, it's you. you miss nothing. maybe, today, or yesterday, it feels like missing, but it's all there, in all your senses. because that, my dear, is how you do.
love
jen
p.s. hi. i feel like there may be news to share. but not yet.
pps wv = prophop = that great bouncy ball you had when you were 8.
ppps
welcome back. i've missed you here.
Yes, hello Heather's blog, welcome back :)
Absorbing life at mach ten can be overwhelming!
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