you can buy caskets at costco.
of course i'm not kidding. you can't make this stuff up. and, really, why not take the empowered-consumer movement to the next level? 'cause after you consume that flat of beef and the barrel of cashews, you just might need to think about "the next level." before you get too excited, though, read the fine print, where you'll discover that costco online offers standard or expedited shipping but, unfortunately, they "cannot hold onto any orders for future delivery." so keep that 1-800 number right next to your deathbed.
i'm all for DIY, but there are some things -- say, embalming human bodies -- that i think should be left to the professionals. are you with me on this?