Department of Penury

so, we're building a new deck (the last one being so rotten that last year a roofer fell right through, with knock-on effects to our insurance rates), and it is somewhere between $$$$$ and $$$$$$. there's the need for a new structure. then there's the fact that we don't want composite, but real wood. as long as we're doing it, we may as well do it right, and make something that covers over a problem area in the yard. then, of course, we don't like the spindles you can buy off the rack at homo depot, and we prefer 6-inch decking to the narrower, commoner 2x4s, and we both like the modern look of stainless steel and glass. doing the deck also means taking care of that problem area at the north side of the house, and if the bobcat's going to be here digging concrete piles anyway, why not regrade? etc.

the whole thing is going to cost in the neighbourhood of $30K. we do not have $30K sitting around in ye olde bank account. (a quick peek suggests that we have $509.08.) but since shortage of money has never stopped us from spending, we have a plan. my mother rents the basement for her business, blue sky publishing. we plan to reproduce the following on glossy paper and send it to her in the mail:

Dear Blue Sky Publishing President,

We are making some exciting changes at Zengelwood! When you return to work, you will notice that we've replaced your virtual blue sky with The Real Thing!! That's right. For a limited time, see the sky from your underground workspace!

But that's not all! In the near term, we will be refurbishing the BSP entryway. Your corporate headquarters will be covered with premium Brazilian ipe supported by state-of-the-art concrete pilings. Because we spare no expense for you, our valued tenant, you will see stainless steel screws, fine-milled rim boards and custom glass railings.*

In celebration of your new improved workspace, and to thank you for your patience during this construction period, we would like to offer you, our valued tenant, one of the following options of your choice:
1) A one-time limited rent special of $1000/day for the month of May
2) A binding non-retirement agreement for 14 years.

Don't wait! Act now! Our agents are standing by to take your call. Remember: at Zengelwood, your livelihood is our life.

Heather Zwicker
Chief Financial Officer
Department of Penury

*You may in fact see some of these stainless steel screws down by your entryway. You may keep these as a souvenir of this exciting period in our growth.

*****
we're open to other offers, too.

Meanwhile, back on the home front

the saga of the roof continues. this note from our housesitter:

On Monday night at 11:30 PM we had quite a downpour and that is when
the drips started to come in through the living room ceiling - in the
middle. This means that somehow the water is coming in one place and
pooling between your upper storey floor and the main storey ceiling
and dripping out along the beam in the middle of the living room. As
the rain got worse the little mop buckets were no longer adequate. At
2:30 AM that night I ran out to the alley in the rain, dressed in my
PJs, and grabbed your rubbermaid garbage can and used that and the 2
mop buckets to catch the drops. They remain there today in case the
rain returns.

In the morning on Tuesday I looked around for your roofing company
contact. I called "Martin" the "Vice President of
Installations" at 604-789-9446 in Delta BC and gave him shit for not
fixing your roof and asked that he send a crew immediately to patch
the roof. He relayed the message to "Rodney" in Calgary at
1-866-867-1857 who phoned me back and assured me that "Peter" in
Edmonton at 425-345-4864 would patch the roof that morning (Wednesday)
and he would call when he was "nearby". This he did. I jumped in the
Mobile Urban Planning Command Centre at work and sped over here to let
Peter in and supervise the patch job. The rain stopped around this
time and the jury is out on whether this patch has actually stopped
the leak. Things dried out and the ceiling actually looks quite good
- thank goodness it is cedar and not plaster or gyproc because then it
would be rather unpleasant. The rubbermaid can has a good 5 inches of
water in it. All things being what they are (spring and more rain
coming) I encouraged Peter to come back and put the new roof on. He
was non committal.

i know: you're wondering what on earth is the mobile urban planning command centre and how can i get one? but pull back from your fantasies for just a second a commiserate with us. five inches of rain in our living room!

i'm going out for a walk in the buenos aires sun.